I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
