and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
