The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
