just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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