he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
