Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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