it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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