woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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