...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
