Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
