the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
