It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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