none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I skipped work to stalk him.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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