I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
