I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
