even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
