I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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