Porn is love you can see.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize