Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
