I hate your face
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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