accomplished twins. life is a go
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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