I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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