I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
