I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
