I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize