She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
