just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
