idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
