my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
