I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
