She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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