New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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