5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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