I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
