Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
