roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
