Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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