You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
