my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
