Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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