kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
