i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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