My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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