the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
