i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize