Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish my penis had a tongue
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
