Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
