hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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