I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize