I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
