She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize