How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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