me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
