Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
