he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
