i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
