Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
