I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
