Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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