You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize