I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
