there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
