is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
