She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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