Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
