you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
