I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he was CRYING into my vagina
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize