LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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