were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
