I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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