I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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