the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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