Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
