I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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