I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
