One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
