It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
