The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
