11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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