I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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