Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
