Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Randomize
