matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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