i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
