I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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