My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pants are for mortals
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
