just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
