I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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