youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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