Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
