and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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