You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
