I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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