I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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