"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
