just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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