Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
