i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
